Two weeks of hell, a visit to a hormonal Mordor. You could guess what that means.

I have cried, vomited, and screamed.

I’ve been stricken with morning sickness since Tuesday again, but it is worse now. I wake up at five in the morning for no apparent reason, as if it were sunny outside and birds were chirping, and then I find myself very nauseous. Yesterday I vomited and the day before and I am starting to feel very concerned. I had to skip school again.

I was just as sick last month, waking up with nausea, but I thought it was just food poisoning. It seems this is a monthly thing, also accompanied by headaches.

The nausea today has eased, but I can’t eat as much. Yesterday and this morning I got blood work done and I am praying for the results to have some news about a hormonal imbalance and nothing more serious.

When it comes to my health, I am like Woody Allen in Hannah and Her Sisters. Mostly because my doctor suggested last month I might need to go to the neurologist.

It’s a terrifying thought…what this might mean. Maybe I just need to go to birth control already…I am just sick of the goddamn nausea.

Yesterday, what helped my morning sickness go away was The Beatles. I’m not really keen on them, but, hey, listening to Beatles is like listening to the wind. It’s just that common.

I told my sister to play me “I Wanna Hold your Hand”, followed by “Hey Jude” and “Twist and Shout”.

My nausea was gone. I made my sister repeat “I Wanna Hold your Hand” because it’s just so catchy. God, they’re catchy.

The Beatles are a hard band to dislike due to their infectious catchiness. And I’ve been bashing them for a long time.

The older I get, the more I appreciate them. Like Ringo Starr. What a drummer! I like him mostly because he directed a film about T.Rex. There’s this part in the Born To Boogie film where T.Rex (or I think Marc Bolan and Mickey Finn) play “Children of The Revolution” with Elton John and Ringo Starr and it’s so marvelous that I consider that the best performance of the song. Elton John, Ringo, and Bolan…Wow.

Anyway, I really appreciate him for that.

What else has been affecting me? I’ve been moody as hell! I suffered a bout of jealousy yesterday and I screamed about how I hated my favorite band’s fans and how I wish they could burn in hell. I was really, really angry, and I didn’t mean it. I’ve been told to practice exposure with my jealousy…but getting through the anger is just a sacrifice.

There was also me throwing things. And getting irritated with my pets. Some crying. Some hopelessness. Anxiety. Headaches. Yeah, and of course, the worthlessness.

There are a lot of things that make me express my temper. Politics are hard to not think about lately. I find myself feeling more angry! It’s mostly about that idiot Bernie Sanders and his socialist bullshit.

Let’s switch the topic now, yes? I even hate seeing his face.

I watched a very good film some days ago relating to Hitler coming back to Germany in 2014 since his death.

What a hilarious film! Such praise I shall give the actor who portrayed Mr. Hitler! It’s like he’s so persuasive he can grab any audience he wants.

A German film showing Hitler walking the streets of modern Germany…That just amused me. Hitler saying discovering rap and “nigga” was funnier. Or when he discovered Wikipedia.

And he wrote a follow-up to his Mein Kampf as he displays his discontent with the German government…And people believed him. It’s a comical film with a political message that amazed both my sister and I. It’s called Look Who’s Back. Highly recommended.

If I was Hitler I would go around saying, “Ja, ja. Ich want der bratwurst…ja, ja…”

I’ve also been experiencing something that invaded England in the early 70s, T.Rextasy. It’s really all I listen to…talk about (with my sister)…and think about. It’s a good distraction. However, I don’t think I would’ve been screaming “MAAAAARC!!!” in a crowd. That’s just frightening.

Hippie, acoustic, lords and elves Tyrannosaurus Rex feels more natural. Yet I can’t help loving the glam diva era.

Divas are fascinating because I myself am one also.

My nausea is gone now! That’s grand! I could finally eat my penne pasta and I just remembered I must feed my puppies!

My puppy Greta is a shark! She is going through some angsty period where she growls whenever anyone holds her and she’ll bite when you don’t let her get her way. My other puppy is zen…but playful and she bites.

Yesterday while walking out of the hospital I felt wounded. “You’ll feel just a little poke…” they say…More like a stab. Vampiric needles! Brr!

What did we do after that…Oh yes, my sister and I watched Mr. Trump’s rally in Connecticut and eagerly paid attention. It felt so historic…watching the future president of the United States of America.

I would love to have Starbucks with Donald Trump. I’d order a hot chocolate and a spicy chorizo sandwich…

I bought my gown for graduation….Oh dear graduation…In merely five weeks…High school was just a speedy flame in time.

All right, my post seems to be drifting so I will leave.

You know who’s a fascinating lady? Vivian Maier. I watched a documentary of her and she was not an artist you see every day. I would love to have a hobby like hers except I don’t know what it may be.

You know what’s a good song? “Sweet Tides” by Thievery Corporation.

You know what I should do? Feed my dogs and go back to babysitting.


I wanna hold your haaaaaand…….It hasn’t left my mind.