I feel kind of nauseous this morning. Since last Tuesday, I’ve been suffering from morning sickness, and I’m not even pregnant.  At six in the morning it is bad. Water helps, not sugary Gatorade. On Wednesday, I suffered from a painful headache in the morning and no medicine helped. I walked into school feeling drowsy and thought I would vomit right on the spot. In class I felt very exhausted even though I had slept ten hours. I thought I was to faint. I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

On that day I visited the doctor and she told me I had excess migraines. I think during stressful periods of my life I will suffer from these. I was given medicine and another vaccine that didn’t hurt as much. If I keep having persistent headaches for two more weeks, I’ll have to pay a visit to the neurologist.

Stressed? I so am stressed. I’ve had a heavy week of tests and, well, more tests. In one online class I had to take six tests. During one, I happened to be short of breath and I couldn’t stare at the computer anymore. I thought I was dying.

But the thing is that I finished my second Geography course and now I am in my last one, English! Hell, English is easy! Now I believe that if I finish this by early May I can graduate.

Due to the stress and exhaustion of Senior year, I don’t think I’ll be attending college in the summer. I’m burned out.

I think I’ll just get a part-time job so I can raise money for my trip. I’m frightened of going to Europe these days, but it’s my dream.

I’m so close to getting started on my career path and it is inspiring.

The only difficulty in English is reading properly. I get what I’m learning…I just end up re-reading it, which is frustrating.

My nausea is gone now. 🙂

I miss watching loads of movies. I haven’t been as motivated. I saw a Lubitsch one the other day and another one where a geeky boy gets a Bible studies girl pregnant. I tried to watch Fritz Lang’s Spies, but I found it hard to concentrate. It looks like an excellent film, but my mind at this time is not into it. I remember it took me months to watch Woman in The Moon and it ended up becoming one of my favorite films ever.

And I still need to continue reading Gene Tierney’s autobiography because I loved reading it.

Yesterday I tried to have the time of my life while cleaning my room. I took migraine medication since I felt a throbbing pain above my eye, and grabbed my record of The Slider by T.Rex to just blast it out loud and sing along.  At first it was amazing as always, but then the headache got just a bit more painful. The songs sounded overplayed. I try to listen to this masterpiece of an album once a month to feel the ecstasy, but lately it’s been sounding so repetitive. I had to skip half of “Telegram Sam” just to get to “Rabbit Fighter”. I think that the songs play in my head so much that I just get tired. I just have to give it a break.

Every time I sing along it’s like I feel the lyrics as I word them…The way Marc Bolan vocalizes them is mighty powerful.

Good things are happening! Graduation is soon, growing up, Fields Of The Nephilim releasing music after such a long time, some mental stability (being busy is a distraction), playing with my puppies, the Tom of Finland movie coming out next year, and waiting for my trip.

I’m also filling out my voting registration form. Go Trump! Do I need to register as a Republican to vote for him? I don’t know. I would finally make an impact in this country! Make America great again.

Now my puppy is sleeping on my lap. She is what I would call “clingy”. I vacuumed my room yesterday and got rid of all the clutter just so she could run around here. She doesn’t even want to sleep in her own bed! She wants to sleep with me. She will cry and cry if I don’t pick her up. She woke me up today at around six in the morning! And it’s a day off from school!

Puppies have made me realize I don’t want children for a very long time.

Oh dear, how could I forget to tell this!

My school held an assembly about the consequences of teen choices. It was emotional.

They told us this story about this girl who had gotten in a car with a drunk driver and had later died in a horribly tragic car accident. The way the mother and her family talked in the video was heart-wrenching. I tried not to cry…I really tried not to. I was seated next to mostly males who try to act like they’re tough, but I’m sure they wanted to burst into tears. I eventually did cry after I thought of how Marc Bolan died. You can live a life that feels like forever and growing can feel like an eternity, but Life can be stopped easily and abruptly. Make your time in this planet matter.

Then we had to see prisoners talk through video chat and I felt very sad. They were all there because of crimes either dealing with murder or drugs. They were there for life. They seemed like very pleasant men that one could wonder how such nice people could land themselves in prison. We had the opportunity to ask them questions and I got the courage to ask how they felt when they woke up every morning. One told me it was terrible.

The audience got emotional because some people had problems dealing with drugs and gangs and broken families.

I’ll never touch drugs for sure and I hate alcohol because it makes one act stupid (it made me tipsy on my fourteenth birthday and I sang with a terrible high-pitch) and then there’s hangovers. Right after I drank several sips of wine one night, I woke up nauseous. I don’t exactly what that was, but I know hangovers mean headaches and I hate headaches with all my being.

They talked of how gangs won’t ever give one respect or recognition or strength. A gun doesn’t make one manly.

I hope they changed the minds of the kids in my school because they think being a burnout thug will get them sex and respect.

But, that’s their business. I have my own life.

Now, I’ll be off to watch some television while eating spaghetti. I’ve re-watched almost every episode of That ’70s Show after months. I also finished season four of Switched at Birth and I can’t believe a new season won’t air until next year.

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Bye!
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