My life is magma but as years pass it becomes lava

Good mor-or Good afternoon! I feel excited to write in my little blog with its many images, even though I know I must continue my geography work.  I have until May, sure, but I waste my time taking too many notes and I got about two lessons done during my two-hour class in night school. There’s the memory issue too and when I choose to take few notes, I get the wrong answers. Geography should be just about naming capitals and cities in a country, not studying the elevation of mountains. How boring!

At least I can tolerate it.

My life has become a bit more dull because I finished Gilmore Girls some days ago. I got teary eyed. By God, it was sad! I am so proud of Rory though. Now I will say Gilmore Girls is my favorite show. Twin Peaks used to be…but this one just went straight through my heart. It has a more feminine touch, so I could easily relate. Lauren Graham is such a divine actress! She and Alexis Bledel will always be mother and daughter to me. Good thing a limited continuation of the series is coming on Netflix!

There have been periods when the solitude got to me. I cried my eyes out because of friendship issues. [Well, it was triggered after my sister decided to put my favorite live concert of my favorite band in FRONT of my father and I yelled at her. The band is very private for me.] Things having to do mostly with me being such a loyal friend and the other person not . It’s like being the friend who is always there. Just to talk to. The last resort, to be more specific. It hurts. To get attached. It really hurts.

I don’t know why it is so easy to cry lately. Maybe it’s hormones. I have an acquaintance in school who I used to have lunch daily with and talk to in one class. We always shared stories and I thought we became friends. I mean, I get she has friends. One of my flaws is that I sort of expect people who I talk to on a daily basis to be my friend. She started to work in the cafeteria with her friend (who I surprisingly like!) and no longer sits with me. They even sat with me before. I started to wonder why…what had I done? I tried not to act clingy by asking her to give me her phone number or to go to an outing. I didn’t want to push it. The thing was that she seemed so easy-going when she talked to me. Then the other day they were walking by in the cafeteria and I believe they were going to walk out when they happened to see me. I heard an “Oh” from my acquaintance, I believe. All their talk during lunch was about anime and such and I found it hard to join the conversation.

The next day they walked by where I was sitting once again after they got their food and just walked out. I was right there! It’s no obligation to sit with me, of course. But why had they sat with me the day before and not now? It was probably a pity lunch. I usually have lunch alone now, with food and interesting things on my phone.

I know this is not a big deal. I simply cannot help my sensitivity! A counselor said having friends was essential to my health, but he doesn’t realize that my friendships never seem to last.

I’m tired of being just a person someone can easily choose to talk to. I’m tired of always being so available. Of trying so hard to not lose people. It’s humiliating and my dignity is shattered. From now on I assume I will focus on my own things instead of trying to be a good friend. I’ve tried my best.

Besides such idle matters, I believe nothing much special….Wait! Aha, yes! I got a job. Well, a volunteer job in the library. I want to get the experience, so I could prepare myself for a real job. All I have to do is shelf books in numerical order, with decimals. A lady made me take a quiz putting names and decimals in order and I almost lost my head when doing the latter. I got them all correct!

There was also the time I had to wait in the DMV to take my picture for my ID. I had a form to fill out about voting and left it blank.

At least my itinerary for Helsinki is almost ready. A lot of stuff including cinemas, art museums and cathedrals.

The jealousy has been bad this week. Can’t be much in the internet anymore.

My sister and I also saw the two Focker movies and they still make me laugh. Can’t wait  for Zoolander 2.

I have returned after four hours and I am feeling quite full. I ate a small burger and fries and then some chicken nuggets and I am almost nauseated.

I started my online Geography work about an hour ago and, to be honest, I’d rather be watching Design For Living than learning about magma and plateaus.

By the way, I have a rather scientific question. What if you drill so deep in the Earth, past all the crusts, past the extreme boiling temperatures? I mean, there must be something on the bottom. If you break through the bottom, will you just be dropped into space?

When I was around four or five, my sister told me lava tasted like soda. I believed in it and told her I wanted to taste all the lavas in the world. I would imagine going to Hawaii and tasting the lava with its apple flavored soda. Cruel.

My life is magma because it is not quite out there and inexperienced, but when I grow it will be lava, ready to be exposed to the world, to erupt, and to live. The many setbacks and opportunities will be the volcano which shall prepare the eruption.

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Gloria Swanson in color reminds me of a volcano.
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4 thoughts on “My life is magma but as years pass it becomes lava

  1. Don’t feel bad, Isabel. If I was there I would sit with you for lunch 🙂 I don’t really have any friends either. So if you ever need a friend you can write to me. I will always be here. Until I’m not. As long as I am alive I will be here to be your friend if you want 🙂 But you don’t have to be my friend. It’s ok. I am good at taking rejection 😉 –Paul

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, I always go to coffee shops. I always hope to meet people. Sometimes it is like living on an island. People are so close, but something keeps people from interacting.

        Yes, I’m sure there is some bad company where you are. Same here. But still I always hope to make friends. Maybe no one can understand my love for film.

        I love all creative things. All of the arts. I don’t know why art is not more important.

        It is hard to talk to people. What are they thinking? Maybe people have things in common, but they never find out.

        For me it is hard now because I am just studying. Every day, studying. How to meet people? I only have class once every two weeks.

        It’s not good when the whole world seems to have everything figured out. I don’t. I am just hoping from one moment to the next.

        Ok, sorry… I’m just ranting here. Thank you for your kind words.

        Paul

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I don’t go to places to meet people, but when I see someone interesting and talk to them, I start talking about movies and they don’t understand.

        But, don’t worry, this world is full of film lovers just like you!

        Most people are too involved with themselves, I believe.

        I am not that enthusiastic about making friends anymore. I just shrug at the thought of it.

        You will figure it out one day. Everyone does. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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