The many happenings and discoveries of 2015

The year is coming to an end. It felt speedy. It was like a bolt through time. Instead of appreciating youth and moments, I focused mainly on what I discovered and worried.


But this year was a good year and I believe it was not wasted.

First of all, yesterday I saw The Nutcracker in San Francisco. It felt like a magical trip I was drawn into. I  was transfixed with the sets and the moves of the dancers that I thought I was watching a film! At some moments I had to really open my eyes and realize I was looking at professionals dancing on stage. The live orchestra was just too beautiful and the Snowflake fairies danced and danced! They twirled and twirled! The lad who played the Prince jetéd so splendidly people had to clap. At first it felt like a play as everyone gathered around the living room celebrating Christmas’ Eve…They did all the work with their hands and faces. It felt now like a silent film. When Clara received the nutcracker and danced around the room, I couldn’t help but miss being a child. What brought the magic right in was when she fell fast asleep and we were taken to her dream. All the sets were raised (like magic) and moved around and I was quite impressed. Then the Prince was revealed and then the fight with the rats! Those rats could dance, too! I laughed when Clara put the mouse trap under the King Rat’s leg. After that, I felt like I was experiencing some sort of bliss. Everything was white with the Snowflake fairies and I really admired how well-trained these dancers were. I was a little hard to focus because I felt I was dreaming and they all kept dancing…

My eyes watered to “Pas de Deux”. That’s my favorite part and song of The Nutcracker. When the dancers run to one another and the male carries the female…it’s just too precious.

And it wasn’t five hours long. I must have looked at the schedule wrong. It lasted two hours. When it ended I clapped so hard and I was a little sad it was over. It was as magical as I expected it to be. I couldn’t stop talking to my sister about the moves and how skilled the male dancers were. I actually felt happy this time. I didn’t feel anxious or jealous or mad or anything. I just really enjoyed attending the ballet, which I had dreamed of as a child.

As I was walking to the venue, my sister and I had to get through a million hippies because members of the Grateful Dead had a concert in San Francisco last night. I don’t think I have smelled so much pot in my life and I am certain I never want to do so again. The smell reeked strongly of piss and I almost threw up. I can imagine all the stink during the Summer of Love and I am so glad I did not live through that era.

Well, anyway, that was the latest occurrence of 2015 that I so cherish.

Let’s see I saw many films this year, but I’ll list only those that really stuck to me.

. Sunrise: A song of two humans

Well, this caused tears. I had never been so moved. It was mostly Janet Gaynor who incited emotion.

. Vertigo

I had seen lots of Hitchcock, but nothing like this. I had never seen San Francisco so beautifully captured in film before. Not even with my own eyes. The story was warped and did fool me.

. Ludwig

You know when you’re bored at Wal-mart and you see the cheap five dollar movies in that pile? That’s what happened. No movie looked worth buying. I dug and dug deeper in the pile and found Luchino Visconti’s truly majestic film about an eccentric king who was obsessed with Wagner, struggled to hide his sexuality, and built these fantasy-like castles, which made people think he was crazy. The DVD case was ragged…but I chose it anyway since it was about kingdoms and I had heard rave about Visconti. Those were interesting four hours of my life. A very long film…but remarkable. Helmut Berger is unforgettable in this.

. Die Nibelungen

I never forget this movie. It felt like a dream. The cinematography left me tremendously impressed. It’s my favorite fantasy movie.

. Forbidden Paradise

How lucky I was to catch a screening of an extremely rare film starring my favorite actress! It was funny, it was sensual, and odd. One of my favorite silent films starring Pola Negri and directed by Ernst Lubitsch.

. The Phantom Carriage

An original story. It actually made feel more afraid of dying. The special effects are really much better than the ones today. Don’t get wasted on New Years’ Eve.

. Meshes of the Afternoon

I only saw it once, but how can I forget such a unique movie made by an admirable director? Maya believed in silent movies in the forties.

. Lars and the Real Girl

I will clap everlastingly.

. Woman in the Moon

That was powerful. It was a lot of fun. I cried at the end. Best space movie!

. Wild Strawberries

Psychologically painful. Very good.

. Inside Out

That did not feel Disney. It was targeted for an older audience because emotions are a sensitive business. Puberty can be disastrous and I don’t think young children could relate to that. Very good film. Had its tragic moments. Painted a clear perspective on feelings related to depression.

. Holiday

Humorous. Great leading actors here. I could relate to Katharine Hepburn here. She and Cary Grant make me smile.

. Trouble in Paradise

One of Lubitsch’s greatest films ever!! You can’t get comedy more awesome than here.

. The Grand Budapest Hotel

It’s a film from 2014 and I am given hope that Film is good once again. It feels quaint. It’s historical. It’s romantic. It’s adventurous. Very different for this era.

. The Exterminating Angel

Made me feel crazy and trapped!

. Cinema Paradiso

Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful.

. Leave Her to Heaven

Excellent portrayal of a psychotic woman driven by obsession.

All right. I am naming far too many films. Yes, those were some of my favorites from this year!

As for music I discovered the likes of Cocteau Twins, Fields Of The Nephilim, T. Rex, and Portishead.

Books? Well, I did read Animal Farm. It’s still very difficult to read, so I hope to improve next year.


Well, I moved to a new educational facility and have been doing one hell of a job. I’m in good track for graduation.

New friends were made. My Finnish improved!

Speaking of Finland, my sister yesterday bought her ticket for that black metal festival in Norway. It turns out I don’t meet the age limit to go. I really don’t mind because I don’t even want to attend in the first place. Norwegian hotel television should be of interest! Then…afterwards…is Finland! In only eight months.

I’m also looking forward to my birthday. Hopefully I won’t be too sad.

One good thing about this year is that, well, I wasn’t as horribly depressed as last year and didn’t end up going to the mental hospital again. I’m proud of myself.

Okay, now I’m going to get the hell off the computer. Happy New Year!

I'll never forget Katharine and Leopold the giraffe.
I’ll never forget Katharine and Leopold the giraffe.

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