Drinking hot chocolate and partying with Tchaikovsky

Ah, a fine Tuesday this is. And I surprisingly feel okay.

I feel okay…mainly because I have forced it. I stopped the Prozac. After three days or so, the headaches were imminent and would last all day. Not to mention the bad mood and the inability to enjoy anything. It was all so sudden!

About two days ago, I found myself thinking my entire life was a waste. That I should just already get over it with. Yup! Nothing mattered. I would never like anything again. There was no need to force myself to keep on breathing even though I did not want to.

I found myself in bed not doing anything. I was so bored.

The night before I had seen the film Sisters with my sister. It was one of the most mediocre films I had ever seen and doubled the feeling of misplacement I already had. Apparently when one is an adult their lives are all about drinking, working, and sex. Why would anyone have sex with someone just days after knowing them?? Why would anyone need marijuana in a party? And why the fuck do people always have to get drunk in order to have fun? The jokes were repetitive and during the last half hour of the film I found myself texting my friend. Yes, I was this bored.

When I came home, I was in tears. A comedy film sending me straight to bed crying. “I’m going to be an adult pretty soon and if all adult life is just trying to find a boyfriend and drinking in the bar every Saturday and having sex with people on the third date, then I don’t want it!” I thought. Things like love and sex and passion are very sacred to me and the media treats them like something so unimportant.

I am just going to avoid these modern movies about being single and having intercourse with anyone from the bar while drunk. Movies like The Grand Budapest Hotel come very rarely.

But, yes, I decided to skip the Prozac and yesterday I had a pretty good day. I went shopping and had fun with my sister and brother. It rained a great deal.

While my mother was driving us back from the bank, I saw a golden shooting star. It was no airplane or helicopter. It had the shape of an actual shooting star. Its path behind was gold and the star traveled to the right. I immediately closed my eyes and made a wish. It was once in a lifetime experience. I don’t think I had ever seen one before.

One must always take a moment of a Disney moment such as this.

Christmas this year actually does sound exciting! I actually don’t feel as depressed with the season or festivities. The atmosphere with the tree and the presents and the light feels warm. It may be because this is the first time we spend it in a house we actually own. Even hearing “Feliz Navidad” in every store does not feel tiring. The holiday
embraces me and makes me feel secure.

Besides my numerous gifts, I have been begging my parents (well, mother) to take me to the ballet. All my life I have been enchanted by ballet and the grace of the dancers and the captivating music and the magic of it all. And guess what is in season? The Nutcracker! Tchaikovsky’s compositions! Oh, my lord! I did some research and I came to find that ticket prices vary from eighty dollars to two hundred and fifty at most. It’s also five hours long! That. does. not. matter. I’ve seen five hour silent films.

Oh god, “Pas de Deux”, on stage…The man lifting the ballerina and moving her around…

This is professional, which explains all the more why I want to go. And I have to be formally attired! Hoorah! This hopefully won’t be awfully loud like a concert (remark my use of awful) or people will be dancing around. My butt will definitely be asleep though.

San Francisco Ballet in The Nutcracker, staged by Helgi Tomasson.

God, I really hope I can go. I’ve been wanting to attend since I was around twelve.

Anyway, I don’t have much to write anymore. During my side effect day, the one in which I could not enjoy anything, I fully heard the Portishead album I purchased around two weeks ago. Beth Gibbons has such a venomously sweet, heart-breaking voice. I just read Elizabeth Fraser is one of her influences, who is one of my favorite vocalists ever. Dummy is a great album.

(This song sounds better live)

Oh, I am definitely watching this.

Have a merry Christmas!


6 thoughts on “Drinking hot chocolate and partying with Tchaikovsky

  1. re. the adult life: there’s a ring of truth to that. i don’t even wanna consider myself as an “adult”, but work has a way of burning you out that you need poison/s to get away for a while, like drinking and sex. but no, i don’t get involved in those. my poison of choice are *mostly* movies and music and going to bookshops and sleeping… god i’m a boring adult.

    it’s a good thing you’re looking forward to watching ballet! i hope you’ll have a great time! happy holidays โค


    1. I think you are a fun adult! To be honest, once I sat outside in the park of a town I lived in and everyone was either clubbing or smoking or getting drunk. It looked so boring. I think movies and things like music and books give you more insight about life, instead of alcohol that kills your brain cells. Expanding your mind is much better

      I hope I can go! I’m crossing my fingers! Merry Christmas! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Isabela (I hope I have the name right) ๐Ÿ™‚ Your writing always makes me so happy. You are honest and I can relate to most everything you are saying.

    You mentioned The Grand Budapest Hotel. Yes, that is such a wonderful love story. You are right! It treats love as something sacred. And it is!!!

    Also, it’s funny because I have always wanted to go to a ballet too. Actually, I have always wanted to compose music for a ballet. I received my bachelor’s degree in music composition. I have written pieces such as a string quartet, but not yet a ballet. Yes, Tchaikovsky was a magical composer!

    Also I wonder which silent film you saw that was five hours? I remember watching La Roue by Abel Gance. That may have been the longest film I’ve seen. But it was worth it ๐Ÿ™‚

    Ok, thank you,



    1. It’s Isabel ๐Ÿ™‚ And I’m very flattered you enjoy what I write. You write excellent, too.

      What I liked most about Budapest Hotel is that it reminded me of the comedies of Ernst Lubitsch. It may not have been in black and white, but had that energy and very heart warming.

      Music composition? That’s so cool! That’s very interesting. Composing a ballet sounds incredibly hard, just considering its length. But you never know what could come out!

      Five hour silents I’ve seen are my beloved Die Nibelungen and Dr. Mabuse: The Gambler. I’ve never heard of La Roue. I’ll read about it because five hour movies have so much content and it’s a journey you’re making with them. I love these lengthy films, especially epics. I’ve been thinking of seeing Les Vampires, but this whole business with vampires just bores me. It’s six hours long.

      Thank you so much for your comment and merry Christmas! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, I’m sorry Isabel. I feel bad I got it wrong by a letter. But thank you! I’m so behind on Lubitsch. I love Ninotchka, but I think that’s the only one I’ve seen. I was lucky to see it in a theater in Austin long ago. Yes, I have not composer classical music in a long time. For that, I wish I was in Vienna or somewhere with a lively musical community.

        I know these films you mention by Fritz Lang. I am behind on him too. I have seen M a couple of times. Oh, and I’ve seen Der mรผde Tod (Destiny/Tired Death). I am curious about the Mabuse movies.

        Yes, Abel Gance also directed the famous silent Napoleon (which I haven’t seen any of).

        I have heard about Les Vampires, but I haven’t seen it either. I think the director Feuillade also did a silent Judex. I think they may be serials. Later, Georges Franju made a full-length Judex (1950s?).

        Anyway, thank you for your kind comment. I always look forward to your next post. Merry Christmas!


        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ninotchka is one of my all time favorite movies. I can watch it many times and be fascinated every time. Especially by Miss Garbo. I think you would really enjoy Trouble in Paradise, another Lubitsch classic I really enjoyed watching. The plot is so eccentric!

        Yeah, in order to be inspired I would also like to be in a more exotic surrounding. That’s why I haven’t finished writing my book.

        M is a great movie, though the general theme made me feel a bit sad. I have a little brother and the thought of a demented person like Peter Lorre’s character…It makes me shudder. I’ve only seen one Mabuse movie and it was peculiarly interesting. If things like hypnosis, illegal gambling and crime are interesting to you, you might love it.

        I might have to check out serials.

        Merry Christmas again! ๐Ÿ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

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