Yesterday night I came upon the tragic news that Rudolph Valentino was featured in some popular television show called American Horror Story. I already disliked it…. but yesterday just sent me into a bitter rage.
Some people were saying that Pola Negri was mentioned. Oh, god, again?
I read more and I discovered that Lady Gaga plays some character who is involved in a relationship with both Rudy and Natacha, his second wife. Not only that, they’re all vampires! How fucking excellent.
Apparently, F.W. Murnau turned them into vampires. How cliché. It’s like if Victor Sjöström forced you to ride Death’s Carriage.
So, silent movie stars are vampires now. Great.
Dear television…. why don’t you Gothify your other shit and leave silent actors alone? For Touko Laaksonen’s sake, people were even thinking Lady Gaga was Pola Negri! Lady Gaga being involved with Rudolph Valentino really sounds like an atrocity. Makes me want to gag. Stop ruining silent movies, dear media. You’ve already vampirized everything really.
Thank you for everything, American Caca Story. Now I have more reasons not to watch your show.
This is fucking ridiculous. My blood boils.
Now teen girls will be raving about the “vintage actor” Rudolph Valentino and how silent films are omg amazing? Oh, fucking hell. I shall breathe!
(Breathe, Isadora, breathe…)