Peter Steele: five years

This day is supposed to be sad…but hasn’t really been. I’ve just been thinking of the music, instead of his death. I was a bit saddened by the thought that he really left our world five years ago. I remember the day. I happened to be twelve years old and my sister was surfing some website and she told me that a “really hot” singer had died. I didn’t really care back then but now I really do.

I don’t care about the members’ appearance honestly, especially Peter’s, as most of his fanbase does. I care about the fact that he accompanies me in those moments of sheer despair (yes, I do mean that) and even when I am quite content. He never even met me or knew I existed but I know he must now somehow. He sings words that could without a doubt describe all my feelings of self-loathing, desperate urges to die, inability to remain at ease with my depression and negativity. But as obscurely morose their lyrics may be, they are actually sweet and honest overall.

Today I had some free time in class and I decided to listen to October Rust in my CD player. I didn’t think of him dying at all. I felt quite happy because of how the music made me feel. I sang along to “Be My Druidess” and “Die With Me”. October is definitely my favorite album by them, followed by Bloody Kisses and others I’ve mentioned here before. Their lyrics deal with obsessive love, hopeless devotion, suicidal ideation, self-hatred and indifference to life.

I even remember listening to Bloody Kisses for the first time. They sounded like a cool band and Black Black Number Oneee (I’m gonna call it that) sounded pretty heavy and mind-blowing. Some weeks after my sister bought me the album and holy hell. “Christian Woman” was what I heard once I played it (after the lady’s loud orgasm) and it blew me away. I received it on November 4th some years ago. That song….just surpasses the sexiness of all other erotic songs…it’s quite a carnal song and I love it all the more. The guitars….the lesbian chorus…the drumming…Ah, that album is so great, by Christ!!!

I never imagined I would become a big Type O Negative fan because I was a formerly so-called “metalhead” or whatever and Peter didn’t growl and their songs were far too emotional. But, gosh, they are spectacular. One of the best bands that ever existed. Peter Steele himself was one hell of a musician and I shall never forget him. Sometimes I am sad that the man who sings in my favorite albums is no longer with us but holy hell! It’s the music that is still with us, yes? And his Playgirl edition; if one wants to really see him.

There’s an interview I saw some weeks ago which was six months before his death. He talked a great deal about the afterlife and worried about it. So do I. He also loved his cats. He called them his children. Actually, he said that his songs were like his children and loathed it when they were shortened for the radio and music videos. He also talked about how time just flew by and how he went to sleep being thirty and waking up and being forty seven. He was a bright person and had a warm personality. Quite charming, too. Liked to joke around. And must I even mention his bass playing??? Fantastic! And the iconic baritone voice, yes. He was cleaning up and sobering up…and then came that inevitable day. Oh Lord. Farewell, Peter, as you said in the last song of Dead Again. Actually, you sang, “Farewell to me.” That leaves me quiet.

I am dedicating this day to him because I am a big fan of the band. I didn’t even force myself to like them. They just popped in my mind more often and I found myself spending more time listening to their albums.

I shall leave you now with one of my preferred and most beautiful Type O Negative songs. It puts me in an ethereal trance when I hear it. R.I.P. Peter. The world and I shall never forget you. You are in my young little heart. Your legacy is appreciated by me. You achieved a goal I want to achieve in life: leave behind a legacy. Thank you, Peter.


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