I have returned

Finally, now I can write! First of all, sorry if I have been away for quite some weeks. I have been dealing with the stresses of moving and I had no time to use the computer. Well, I have been addicted to Twitter for the past week or so. I find it very entertaining, as I can write any thought I have. I’ve gotten to know many interesting cool people there who are avid fans of silent film, so it’s simply great!

I’ve watched loads and loads of great films such as Trouble in Paradise, one of the strangest talkies I have seen that I cannot help but love! My darling Lubitsch did it again! By the way, happy birthday, Ernst Lubitsch!! Have I spoken of how he is my favorite director? Paradise was so very strange with that certain idiosyncratic humor that I love from his films. I loved the scene where Miriam Hopkins is packing her stuff, ready to go to the train station, and fears that her boyfriend is having an affair with the woman they plan stealing money from. She starts singing and then it gets faster! LALALALALALA!!! Oh, my lord! Thankfully, in my new home, TCM is available on cable and I have been watching movies like crazy. I got to finally see Wuthering Heights and Laurence Olivier was one hunk! I felt so very sad at the end. Cathy, you were one bitch.

My music taste has lately revolved around Type O Negative, as I have now bought all their studio albums. October Rust is my favorite. It’s one of the sexiest and divine albums I have heard. Just listen to “In Praise of Bacchus”. AAHHH!! Just listen to how Peter Steele’s voice can caress your soul…and Kenny Hickey’s guitars….and Josh Silver’s keyboard playing and backing vocals….Such fine compositions! Such lyrics with depths! What a great band! I’ve also gotten interested in the Dead Kennedys with their Plastic Surgery Disasters, recommended by a very fantastic person and friend. I’m not BIG on punk overall but I really do like the Kennedys. I was fortunate to have met Jello Biafra last week and got him to sign me a Rudolph Valentino picture. He said, “Ah, Valentino!” I WAS IMPRESSED.

Yesterday I did die and go to heaven because my favorite band’s ultra deluxe remastered vinyls arrived after four months of waiting and I screamed. The package included a SIGNED poster. So I cried and screamed. It also came with a vinyl of their ultra rare EP so I died. I was depressed for half of my day because I tragically discovered that the drummer of my favorite band is leaving. Oh God. It was a blow to my heart. He is a highly skilled drummer, I should say; especially in their fourth album. I’ve always been fond of him because he’s been part of something I love. He was like a friend. I am happy for him. He shall explore his musical passion on his own. I mean, before the sixteen years with my favorite band, he was in a lovely punk band. They were great. My favorite band is well…a little poppy. So yes I freaked out and started trembling and had a terrible stomachache when I discovered the news. I wish him the best. At least I got to see him three times perform and now have his autograph 🙂 I will miss him though. Thinking of a replacement is weird. He was the nicest and less divaish member of the band.

My Zoloft has been doing wonders for me. It’s really helping me. I’ve been happier during my day and have found myself laughing. My thoughts aren’t as depressive as they were last month. Maybe it’s because my new home is much bigger and spacious, meaning I have more privacy. My memory has improved and I haven’t been crying. I have dreams. By the way, I am going to Finland next year on June! I have been reviewing my Finnish and have remembered what I had forgotten, thanks to awesome Finns who have refreshed my memory. Rudolph Valentinolla on kiva perse. God, I hope I am right!

I started attending school just today after a three month absence. Surely apprehensive I was, and it wasn’t so bad. Some people giggled at me when I happened to be attentively skimming through books in the library. So what? Fuck them. I ended up checking out Franz Kafka’s The Trial. Kafka was a sad thoughtful writer like me. There was no Charles Bukowski there! He’s my favorite poet even if I’m not even big on poetry. There are lockers in my school. This is a big deal for me. I have always dreamed of having a locker, even in Peru, because of all the films I’ve seen. I feel like a girl from Twin Peaks every time I walk by them.

Yeah, I am bad like Audrey Horne, who I sometimes very much want to be.

This place is rather old-school, which I like. It opened sometime in the twenties, which makes me imagine all the youngsters from that time roaming around campus and gossiping about Pola Negri or John Gilbert. I mean, I’ve seen Splendor in the Grass. I would’ve hated that stuff back then, just thinking of my personality. I would’ve preferred stuff from the nineteenth century, hidden in the library to read Mary Shelley, obsessed with Franz Liszt and thought that movies were a waste of time. Oh well. Pola Negri is still my favorite though! I’ll never stop loving her. I am taking Spanish class just to get my credits. I am fluent and I am proud of my native tongue.

My sister has brought a bunny into our household and has named him Valentino. Darlings, to give you all a disappointing reality check, rabbits are not very friendly. They can get pissed off. They hate to be held. Valentino likes me but I am scared of him. He was playfully scratching me (which hurt like hell) and nibbling me (to show authority) and I yelled because of childhood traumas with animals from the past. Valentino thought I was attacking him so he kind of growled and started biting my feet. I ran out of the room in utter fear. I do love him but I don’t like to be near him. He leaves a trail of poop when he runs around.

AH, YES! I finished Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories within two weeks. I can’t believe I did it. What an achievement. So much murder. So many guns. After eight years of time wasted killing random people, I gathered enough courage to do the missions. I HATED the missions with Donald Love, the neurotic cannibal dick. I had to steal corpses for his dinner party! I also hated the missions Toshiko gave me! Killing her husband took so many tries!! When I finished the game, I clapped. I killed that fucking Sicilian leader. Forgive my evil tone. I failed the mission six times because I couldn’t find the pier and crashed and got Salvatore killed. It was fun blowing up all the boats with my mini gun! I watched the whole twenty minutes of credits at the end. It is my favorite videogame. It was the first PS2 game I ever got. I love Flashback FM. I love listening to Giorgio Moroder while driving my vehicle. His songs got me through a lot of missions. I WANNA ROCK YOU!!! I am now playing San Andreas but it is too hard so I just go around and kill some people and use cheats.

So, yes, that is what I’ve mostly been doing while gone. I have felt a bit down for some moments and been terribly insecure but it is all right. I have hope somehow. I have peculiar dreams. I would like to go to Finland to study film and writing. Well, my dears. I am happy to return. I missed writing in here. I shall go and listen to my favorite band’s vinyls and scream. Good-by!


16 thoughts on “I have returned

  1. What is your favourite song by Type O Negative right now? And is there a particular album that you would recommend? 🙂

    Haha, I had no idea who Rudolph Valentino was, I had to google him. You know loads more about famous people and actors than I do. I am terrible with actors! When I watch films, they’re usually modern ones, and I never bother to check the names of the actors 🙂

    Wow, I can’t believe you got a signed poster!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My favorite song would now be “Love You to Death” 🙂 It’s so hard just to pick one!! I also really do like “Anesthesia”. I would definitely recommend “October Rust” and “Bloody Kisses”, because the second one has more famous songs by the band 🙂

      Valentino is fun! He was very attractive but had his insecurities 😦 He died very young and Pola Negri cried loudly in his funeral because she was his last girlfriend. It’s ok to be terrible with actors 🙂 The reason I know them is because I watch too many movies sometimes!

      Yes, I did and I am so happy for the poster! I’m gonna frame it!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you very much for you recommendations! I will check out “Love You to Death” and “Anesthesia”…. and also “October Rust” and “Bloody Kisses” – I’m looking forward to listening to them.

        I wish I knew about so many actors like you do. I will have to start watching too many movies 🙂

        Thank you for your reply!

        Jamila x

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Yay! Welcome back! 🙂

    Forgive me saying this but…you’re still at school?!?! I knew I was older than you but I assumed not by that much. I’m almost afraid to wonder your age now! Your writing style is very articulate, erudite, mature and, aside from some impetuousness, often wise beyond your years.

    It’s rare for young people to be so engaged by silent film stars or surreal rockers from the 60’s unless there is something in the water where you are! 😉

    Oh well, this old fogey is going to back to his comfy bath chair and slippers… :-\


    1. Thank you! I am glad to be back!

      Yes, I am still at school and am counting the days until I graduate next year so I could go to Finland and study film or writing or something related to that. Thank you again for those kind adjectives you described me with.

      Yes, I am an odd sort, aren’t I? It’s hard to be my age and cope with peers when all I want to talk about is Pola Negri’s filmography or Vincent Price’s sultry voice. You can assume that school is one of the hardest things I have to cope with.

      Don’t forget to knit!


      1. Actually I wasn’t much different from you when I was at school, at least around the age of 13-15. I stopped listening to modern pop music and listened to my dad’s record collection 50’s & 60’s rock & roll records instead! And I used to watch Marx Brothers films and other classic Hollywood at the time which no-one my age had never heard of our cared about!

        At least you are at an age to be more aware of your difference and be comfortable with it whereas I used to keep it to myself through shyness and fear of mockery. 😦

        Liked by 1 person

  3. You know what kids are like at that age – if you’re not into then latest hip thing you’re a weirdo and it was like that in the 80’s too. :-\ I did try to share this with a couple of friends but they never got it, although they thankfully didn’t tease me about it.

    I think you might like the Marx Bros since their humour is very anarchic. I’m sure you’ll appreciate Groucho’s acerbic one liners and you’ll probably find Harpo cute! 😉 Their five Paramount films from 1929-1933 are the best (the first two are a bit stiff as they are stage adaptations) as are the first two MGM films (Night At The Opera & Day At The Races).

    You may also want to check out Hellzapoppin’ if you haven’t already. That is full of whacky stuff! 🙂


    1. Oh, I will definitely check them out! I’ve also been meaning to check out “Duck Soup” for such a time! Thank you! I’m glad your friends didn’t tease you about your film loves 🙂 Hellzapoppin’ looks fun. I’ll check it out sometime soon 🙂


      1. Duck Soup is my second favourite film of all time! 😉

        BTW – some of us were having a chat about Pola on Twitter. Where were you? I mentioned you in the hope you’d join in… 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I did read it but…I was in class. About the biography, the one written by Mariusz Kotowski, is pretty good. But if you want to read a more dramatic but still sort of true version of her life, then read her autobiography 🙂


      3. Then, as an irresponsible adult, I give you permission to skip class when we’re having chats relevant to you on Twitter! 😉 😛

        Thanks for the tip on the books. The Kotowski biography is a bit expensive; didn’t know about the autobiography, that might be even dearer unless there is a version on E-bay somewhere.. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Yes! Thank you! I should say that the Kotowski biography is just a bunch of paraphrase of her autobiography. But the pictures in it are great. Pola had a ghostwriter for her memoirs, by the way, so it wasn’t all her. It’s still her story though! It’s available on Amazon.


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