Besides being struck with persistent mood swings, I have to put my mind to my studies. There was another migraine today (cursed damned things!) and I had to slumber in the infirmary for about half an hour. It was when my vision started failing….then I started to see auras. Oh dear, it’s gonna happen. When the headache was growing more painful, I asked the nurse to give me some aspirin. She gave me two of the one she gave me last time; which had worked wonders for me. I almost fell asleep in one of my lessons and was about to vomit…so I ran to the infirmary to “lie down”. I was freezing in there and a bunch of human strangers greeted my drowsy body on the bed. I started to dream….I was dancing in the main office like The Man from Another Place.

Oh, was my English lesson a treat! We were to bring examples of media depicting “The American Dream” so I showed my instructor the trailers of Scarface and The Godfather Pt. II. All the young humans seemed so perplexed….and bored. They do not comprehend my immense respect for Al Pacino’s talents. I also brought my copy of Pola Negri’s Memoirs of a Star…I didn’t want people touching it since this is hard to find…but I left the book open on a table on pages 198-199 when she is arriving to New York on September 12, 1922. The teacher appeared ill-tempered because the majority of the class had not done their work correctly or just didn’t bring it. It was funny seeing all the youngsters take notes on Pola’s book. Then the teacher made us sit and shut up so we could watch a video of something Godfather related. Aha! It was the scene from The Godfather Pt. II when Vito is arriving to Ellis Island. Oh, I was really clutching my hands to my heart as I had watered eyes. I love this film so painfully, lovingly and musically. The music at the exact moment when Coppola films all the immigrants on the ship….That is when my eyes started to water. I love this film so much! I believe this was Pacino’s finest performance! Ah, god!

Tear.

Now, my mind and my bag are piling up with assignments that are due very soon. Such great stress. Maths is a hell….as I do not understand what the hell a geometric term is. Some humans have wanted to lunch with me but I have not wanted to do so with them. I wonder why. I just wanted to consume my meal alone and watch a silent movie. Oh lord. I crazed today in my drama class because I had to portray a character from my own invention. I make voices for all my favorite celebrities…I’ve been making one for my favorite for two years now. I let out such passion that I got too carried away. That is when I got some stares. Ooh, my hushband looks like a hamster! I am a famous singer…I am the absolute best! Who in the hell gives you the right to even speak to me?! I have sold eight million albums with my man! I have four lovers at the same time! I love myself!

Yet my moods have unhinged my spirit. I cruelly shouted at some of my family members. I am not getting a lot of sleep. Crying and crying. Now, now. I should not have in mind the fact that I could be getting sick again because it will worsen. Actually my mother does so already when she insults everybody in her sight, which is mostly me. Education will get me out of all these troubles, yes? I may speak of treason but I’m not very proud when it comes to speaking of the majority of my family…..Most of them are so melodramatic and problematic! Of course, they are still my kin but this is the reason why I am moving away to as far as Finland to get away from them. I don’t want to continue the legacy of moody mothers who are nice to their offspring at times and then destroy their self-worth with insults. I am to probably birth a son, dress him like Vincent Price and treat him as nicely as I could. God knows how I hated growing with a moody, narcissistic mother. Oh, my poor future child, forgive me if you inherit my madness. Education, education! Be my exit!

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