Lubitsch depicts English history: a hamster king who behaves like a dick


I had just to do it again. I borrowed more movies from the library….and I haven’t even watched them yet. Instead, I watched a film directed by Ernst Lubitsch, the one and only. It was Anna Boleyn, a silent film from 1920…I missed Pola but I reminded myself that there were other silent films that did not have Pola Negri in them.

The main reason why I watched this was because King Henry VIII makes me laugh until I cry. He looks like a tyrannical hamster who is self-infatuated. He was such a dick in this film but at the same time so funny. Lubitsch always makes me laugh. I love it when Emil Jannings dirtily smiles….I remember him in Madame Dubarry…..Oh lord.


This is a historical film depicting the relationship between the King and Anne so you must know how it goes. King likes her, beds her, marries her, has a kid with her, cheats on her and then gets her beheaded. The whole film mainly revolves around Anna. It’s pretty sad how it all turned out to be at the end because she had been so in love with this other man….I mean, she didn’t even do anything with the lad in the duration of her marriage with the King. How could one help love?

This movie was more sexual than I thought. See? This is what I love about German silents. There aren’t as many censors. Things are more loose and easy-going. All the king wanted to do was copulate with Boleyn from the beginning; the dirty sot. He wanted to put his hamster weenie in her. He’d even enter her room without permission and demanded her to give the consent to bed him just because he was the king of England. Where was the girl power in this? I loved the part where this little ball went missing in the bushes when they were playing ancient tennis….Anna went looking for it….the king chased her….and he couldn’t help but give her little kisses on her neck. Oh, how I laughed. This film kept me attentive because of its suggestive little humor. There’s also the scene in the bedchamber right after her coronation. Just as they were dining, the king felt lustful and was ready to copulate. And so they did…..the hamster….the sexual deviant…..consummated with Anna Boleyn. She didn’t seem to complain afterwards.

God, was the king a dick in this movie. He kicked his wife and his own daughter out of his house just because he was newly infatuated with another woman. He bullied his servants….even the jester…..even his daughter! Poor Marie! I have got to say that his clan with all his men and soldiers was very united. That’s what I liked. It was disappointing to not see her execution. In Madame Dubarry, we can see Pola’s head after decapitation being thrown to the crowd. Oh well.

HAMSTER! HE looks so much like a hamster! He is the narcissistic hamster dick king! He even abandoned his baby daughter Elizabeth by leaving her on a chair with no one to care for her! Lubitsch has done it again. I loved the part when he gorged his throat with all the wine he drank! I felt so happy after watching this. Silent films better my day. This was way way better than that film with Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson. There were nothing but sex scenes in there. Silent films are just enough. Goddamn, I love them silents.

You have done it again.

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