Good news, my dears! Oh, very good news! My sister and I may be taking a two-week trip around Europe. This means that I’ll place my footsteps in Finland. Oh god, I’d be in Finland! Holy hell, I’ve been wanting to see Suomi ever since I was seven. That’s a very long time? Now I am given the grand opportunity!

Though first, if this does happen, we have to primarily arrive in Norway because my sister has a festival there in March. She has to go see My Dying Bride (her favorite band who makes me doze and frown) there next year. All right. She has wanted to see them for ages and I’m not going to get in the way of that. After this, we’d be staying a week in Finland and then Germany then Spain? That’s how I remember her telling me. This is all seven months away, meaning we have to save a shitload of money until then.

Oh my lord, this is finally happening. I vowed to myself that I needed to see Finland before I died. So…what could we do there?

Primary touristic destinations:

  • A Tom of Finland exhibit in Helsinki
  • Sea Horse restaurant in Helsinki (Touko Laaksonen used to dine there with Veli all the time)
  • Hercules (gay club)
  •  Lost and Found (gay bar in Helsinki that is closed. I’d just stand outside and sniff the windows)
  • Orion cinema in Helsinki
  • Seurasaari (Touko Laaksonen used to casually fornicate with some lads there since gayness was illegal in Finland in the 50s)
  • Turku castle
  • Trees

Ah, there is more to see but I can’t remember. How did Frank Zappa do it? He said that Finns were a bit crazy and that Finland was the only country where he had screaming fangirls. How did Gregory Peck do it? Sure, he married a Finnish woman….but I wonder if he actually liked it.

YES! I found footage of this! It’s all in Finnish though. Look how all the chicks want to rip his clothes off. Some men I noticed, too. HEY. Touko Laaksonen was alive by 1953 and could have met him! I’d go crazy if I saw Gregory Peck. He is so aesthetically pleasing to my human vision. You know, it’s funny seeing him dancing and laughing with his wife, Greta. All the happiness before divorce. At least they had a nice friendship after that. But he did have an affair with Ingrid Bergman! Aha! One of their sons killed himself though.

And here is my Zappa there, too!

And so was Ingmar Bergman!

And my favorite film of all time shown…..